Sunday, July 13, 2008
My dearest,
I am so sorry for not giving you a listening ear when you needed one, I promise I'll listen to you next time ok? Well at times I feel so sad too.. but no one listen to me.. no one understand me.. I wish you would but you don't...
I feel very very sad that you went back into smoking. My world started tearing down when I found out you were smoking I did not know what to do... really.. lost...
haiz... I wanna grow up earn lots of money and enjoy life with you and my family!!!!!!1 That's all I want!
5:39 AM
well... its been long since I've pin my thoughts in here....
I really wonder.. why is this world full of jealousy and competition? Or maybe should I say why am I always filled with jealous and envy? Arghh I really can't help but to feel this way.
I always admire my friend's boyfriend. He's not very very good but at least able to satisfy the girl whom he is with. He earns over 2K at such a young age.. what more in the future? He gives her $600 every month of his savings... he brings her for occasional luxurious dinner.. this may be just money to happiness.. but he is not just giving her money but also his time, unconditional love and other things that money can't buy. He'll ask her on occasional nights... msging her " will you surprise me tonight?" or msg like " I wish that tomorrow when I open my eyes I can see you right beside me." Well for me... I am always the one, begging my boyfriend to stay over my place and we even quarrel over this issue. He'll say things like " why can't you just let me go home?" well I guess I'm just a meaningless figure to mean.. this is what I felt... I feel no sense of love...
Well today, my friend's bf won $400 from a casino and he gave her 200 bucks and asked her to buy whatever things she wants. I wish I just had a mere $10 bucks from him telling me to buy things that I want. I would be overjoyed with just this 10 bucks! Well I guess that wouldn't happen..... Arg.. I can't stand myself. I feel very evil, very sinful very useless for having such jealousy thoughts. Dear I know you'll be mad seeing this. I'm sorry I just can't help feeling this way..
Well I am longing to move out of my house which I'm am staying with my parents.. I feel there are lots of things that I'm restricted and I just which to live a life on my own. Not that I dislike my parents.. I love them a lot alot! But I just don't like staying under the same roof as them.
Well... my brother is getting engaged next year... and the following year, he'll be going oversea to stay.. he'll be bringing mum and dad along too! I'll be all alone.. I do not know when will I get married or should I say will I ever get married. Career for me is right ahead but not for my partner.. I want to get married and I feel so ashame as a girl, I am asking about marriage instead of the guy. Well from today onwards, I'll not mention about marriage anymore. In this post will be my last time mentioning about my dream of getting married. I'll just live day by day and let fate be the answer. I'm not sure of my future, who's my husband, what will my family and my life be like etc.. I'm growing old.. every day I'm just stressing myself over jealousy and envy.. I wish I could change my life.... haiz.. for now I'll just admire and say nothing.
Today, babysitting little rebekah.. I get to see the relationship of a young couple. Despite the birth of their new born, they are still so loving. I admire them for just one thing, their communication with one another. They have lots of things to share, joke about with each other. For 3 whole hours I'm there, I am so jealous of their laughters. They hug and cuddle, watching DVD when I'm just right infront of them. There's no barriers which can stop them from loving each other. The wife is like a Tai Tai.. the hubby does every household chores. All the wife does is order her hubby around and express her breast milk. Oh man I wish I had such life too! haiz... I'm so deprive of love, money, care, concern, assurance... I just want to have some just some....
sad
4:47 AM
Monday, June 30, 2008
Haha today is my reservice day can't wait for the day where i am stress free from my work place yeah i just love it first few time i did take MC then i book in the second day or third day as its a low key for this ICT--> In Camp Training well this ICT is just five days but we are doing the same thing again from the last second in camp kinda bored well nevermind its ok cause i get to rest whenever there is nothing to do no one bother you free and easy how i'm missing you so much now my princess how i wish i don't have to go to reservice then i can spend more time with you ya well tomorow i got to book in at 7am to take IPPT hope i can pass god bless me well thats all then Missing my dearest princess but i got to sleep early cause got to wake up quite early drag my lazy ass off the bed to go to camp . How are you my dearest princess did you miss me i did ?
7:46 AM
Friday, June 06, 2008
My princess
Today woke up at 8.30 get up wash up change then head to work reach work at 10 went to the stall and sign in to work and papa said my hair very nice then i said thank you papa then i said you go and cut lar then he said no lar i go india cut lar 30cent only i was like huh. Head to shop today stand at the shop outside i see the stupid mamoom just stand inside the shop and replying email darm it i don't see any team work here .Here i am standing outside the shop helping out the opening of the shop while he just stand there and do nothing nevermind about that and closing time also never ever bother to come and do closing what the hell is this and what were he thinking , well maybe he stay nearby and just can't be bother and see the rest of us suffering never even have a though of other people what a inconsiderate people he is just because he was a manager don't even bother to help even a CEO Mr anuj will gladly help out well darm it man i was really pissed off by his sturborness well i really don see a teamwork there . After working for a few hours anuj called me to go to his house and help out he gave me ten bucks to take cab down with ting ting the china girl and when we reach there she vomit i did't know she got car sickness we head up after she vomit finish then when i reach anuj house i was shock to see cookie in orange i though i saw the wrong dog but old my god it was cookie i said poor thing sigh stay there for awhile and head to their new house after they shift the thing there niraj call me to stay there and watch over the house ok i wait for like 3 hour plus then they come back stay there till 8 plus niraj sen me to bishan mrt to take train after that i called my mum and ask her have you eaten then she said no she only tell me she want to eat chicken wing ok so i brought home chicken wing for her then she did't even bother to said thank you lor sigh ,,,,,,,,
8:43 AM
Wednesday, May 28, 2008
My dearest princess
Today i'm feeling kinda sad no one wanna share wats on my mine now i'm just wondering why things keep changing in my company sigh ....... even my princess dont wanna hear also can't you just let me finish what i said first? Well i were no longer be a technical aready the good news is no more fixing of computer the bad thing is i have to go back to do sales even though they said my sales cannot make it sigh nvm i will prove them wrong then haha they hire the guy name alan to become technical well i cannot see that he got 7 years of IT knowledge well can't judge a book by its cover gonna see what he can do as for that i well just leave everything to the gods hand then don wanna hear and know what is going on on the company .just feeling very sad now ..... you even don bother to said sorry my dear can you please continue i wonder what have i done wrong this time ........ Well gonna stay up late to fix your com since i'm the one who mess it up signing off now My princess love you so much MuackZ
8:52 AM
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
My Dearest princess
Today nothing much to do at work though haha kinda slack day today nothing much to update also woke up at about 0830 wash up go to work today i think i assemble about 5 pc only repair about 3 pc have my lunch at about 3pm don know what to eat so i order wanton mee finish work at about 0750 went to ntuc to buy shower form reach home at about 0945 nth much yah miss you so much
7:27 AM
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Honey Darling
Well today has not been a very good day yah first thing first i was late for work well but my boss does not seems to said anything lol anyway today was kinda like time flies very soon i was evening aready well not much system to fix yah been busy also RMA to repair computer its like a endless chore to me now but nevertheless still manage to get it done poor kelvin tommorow wonder will he be alone lol i'm sorry i going for my off lol .Today i don't know who the hell give my number to customer and i was pissed off . I ask anuj a.k.a anus did you give my number to customer and he alot of crap to me insulting me on the phone with his stupid friend or what who cares and they laugh i was so angry at him and i msg him you are a fucking asshole and he reply i have anus to fuck you don have both . Darm what a stupid day ..... recieve a sms from sony ericsson and said that my phone was ready to be collect i happily finish work went down there and they told me they need the warranty card if not we will charge you for the service i was like so pissed off and i remember that the staff did't mention to me that i need to bring warranty card upon collection and the staff told me that now we are strict i mean like what the hell was that darm i grab my collection slip and walk off and head home will life sucks at time then i work for them before but they think that i don't know how things work they think i'm a fool but nevermind just forget it its been a fucked up day anyway darm ............
6:52 AM
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Dearest, I know we have been through rocky roads recently. I am glad we sort things out and even spike up this relationship. Anyways I was truely sorry about what had happened yesterday but you've got to understand my motive. This is not to pull you down but to allow you to understand what true relationship means and I hope that you're a guy that I knew all along and you have been truthful to me and not show your true colours only after we settle down. I'm sorry anyways. I love you and you surely knew that. Today, I'm so happy!@ I passed my clinical skills! My assessor was my tutorial teacher! She was lenient to me. I was so thankful to God for seeing me through everything in life even though I have not been faithful in walking his ways. See isn't the Lord great? So you must trust in the lord and surrender to him all your doubts, worries and problem for he will always be there for you:) I'm heading for babysitting at CCK again. I really wish someone could take my plce because its way to far for me. I'm trying my best to ask around. Pray hard there is a saver to help me so that I would not feel so irresponsible. I hope the boy, ShiRan will be obedient and listen to me. I hope he'll not be so hyperactive. Okies In about 30mins time I'm heading off. Long journey... so sad. Okies I'm looking forward to Fri. Why? Because First and foremost I get to be with you! Secondly, We're heading for a Pizza feast! Yummy cheese is calling me. Thirdly, Remember what we planned? Shhh let's be secretive. You know I know can already:) Fourthly, I hope we can catch the show Definitely Maybe or a movie way better. I miss you. I hope you're doing great at work. Don't worry too much ok? All the best. Darling love you truckloads!@Love, Darling
12:27 AM
